Attacked in Canuoan…by Steve

Attacked in Canuoan

After a pretty walk up the hill Shane and I reached a point of no entry to pursue our visit to the fort clearly marked on our map….well, we could have hiked on to the fort and into the privately owned resort had we paid $150 USD for the privilege but after a consultation period of 0.5 seconds between the two of us, Shane and I decided that we’d rather walk the mile or so back down the hill in search of alternative entertainment elsewhere.  So, we thanked the security guards for their info and, a little disappointed, began the decent back down to the town area of Canuoan.  In our quest for a little cultural entertainment and stimulation, little did we know at this point just what kind of entertainment we were about to receive.

I’m not talking about the snake we saw at the side of the road that was struggling to digest a recent feed, clearly over 10 times the size of it’s body.  That in itself was a fascinating sight pointed out to us by a local teenage roadworker at the side of the road controlling traffic flow.  The boy explained that the black and brown nonpoisonous snake had made a kill and was slowly digesting it through his body.  The snake had what seemed to be indigestion as it could barely move; it’s head the size of a thumb and it’s midriff the size of….well, a rat! No, this spectacle itself was by no means the ‘highlight’ of our brief stop on the island of Canouan.  With no Pepto Bismol to offer little snakey, Shane and I headed down to the beach.

What happened next National Geographic themselves would be proud of if they had caught the events on camera.  The real event of the day was a natural phenomenon itself; something I hear exists in remote tribal communities in far flung pockets of the world.  Something that seems not to be proven fact any more but in this case, I was living proof it still exists…because I myself, was almost eaten alive… by humans! Do not adjust your screens.  No need to polish your glasses..truth is, I was lucky to leave Canouan with all my limbs (and other appendages) intact!  Shane and I got to the beach area after a walk through town.  This is the kind of beach area described as ‘paradise’..nobody on it, palm trees lining the shore.  Straight ahead was a short pier into the sea which Shane wandered onto to take a few shots.  To the right was a colorful bar decorated with international flags and pumping out thumping Caribbean beats which the handful of locals inside knew all the words to.  I could be wrong but there seemed to be reference to winding and slamming – perhaps this was a song about a traditional game of some sort?

Ezra the bartender and owner

Ezra the bartender and owner

So, there I was, taking in the beauty of the colors of the beach, blending in with the cacophony of colors and sounds by the bar.  I thought I might have a little sit down after our mini hike and considered going inside.  At this point I was greeted by Ezra who turned out to be the owner of the bar and invited me in for ‘the best rum punch in the Caribbean’.  Well I couldn’t possibly drink rum punch at 11am in the morning, I mean, I don’t even drink gin until after midday at least, especially not on a week day.  In any case Ezra explained that his bar was rockin’ and asked where I was from.  I replied that I was British and from London at which pint he said ‘Right then, come meet my friends’.  Politely I stepped through the outside seating area and in to the bar and being British, I felt it terribly rude to enter an establishment without offering to purchase anything, so I ordered a beer which Ezra headed behind the bar to bring one for me. That is when these two robust ladies grabbed me and dragged me the 5 feet unto the dance “floor”. From there they turned their backs to me, bent over, and started grinding me……from both sides! To say I felt awkward is an understatement. At first I thought they may have been trying to pickpocket me, but then I realized they simply wanted to have fun…..and count the change in my pocket with their butt cheeks. Luckily Shane walked in at time to save me, but his back was to me as Ezra coxed him into buying a rum punch. As he turned around I gave him a look of “help me”, but it did no good as one of the ladies saw him and attacked him while the other lady kept me hostage. Poor Shane did not know what was coming and as he turned around he was pushed into the bar by a rather large butt rubbing up and down him. He kept trying to backup, but there was no where for him to run to….he was captured also.

We both reached for each other and found some support in doubling our individual number. We quickly downed our drinks (Shane said the lady bumped and grinded him hard enough to have the glass almost chip his tooth) and made a hasty retreat guarding each other’s back. Once back in daylight the ladies did not follow (hum, I wonder if they were in fact a new breed of vampires) and we were free to wander back down the beach to our dinghy as I stated my “beans” were freshly ground. ????

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